


feelings.

by paigemckenz1e



Category: this isnt a fandom work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:26:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paigemckenz1e/pseuds/paigemckenz1e





	feelings.

happy.

 

she functions normally, expresses her happiness and excitement with others she is close to. it seems as though her brain is normal, nobody notices things that are 'off' or weird in nature. she's a happy person.

 

she thinks that's how she feels. suppresses the darker feelings that threaten to spill out; it's not like it matters, right? she's a happy person.

 

sometimes she has no choice but to let the darkness emerge. she hates it, though. people show pity and act differently around her because  _she's supposed to be a happy person, right?_

 

she tries. tries to be happy and be the person people expect her to be. it doesn't always work, but she pushes it down. when the darker thoughts come up she ignores her friends for days at a time, and she can't tell them about it because  _what if they act differently? do i want them to act differently? i want them to be normal._

 

pushing everything down can't always work. every time she's alone her thoughts attack her with hurtful words and images, things she can't control.

 

sometimes she gets pushed to the brink in public. that can't happen, she won't allow it to happen. so, her brain put her in a dreamlike state of mind. 

 

sad.

 

it's worse than the sadness.

 

every sense is dulled, everyone's voice sounds different. it sounds like everyone is far away, and she can't focus on anything. when she touches it doesn't seem real, and when she walks it feels like she's floating. tears aren't allowed to prick at her eyes, and she forces herself to laugh at self-deprecating jokes she had to make about herself to dull the noises blaring in her head because they never stop.

 

they say they're there for her, but she thinks that they just pity her. why would they understand? it's stupid, they would think. they'd think  _why would anyone let them self feel like that? talk it out. it'll help. you're faking it for attention, just be happy. it's **easy.**_

 

she wishes she could crawl up and be by herself. she wishes she could ask her parents for help. she wishes she could ask her friends for help. she wishes,  _she wishes, **she wishes.**_

 

she tried to put it all in writing. everything is jumbled and her thoughts couldn't be expressed in the vocabulary of any language. she wishes she could have people feel what she is, but she knows that she couldn't wish such a deep pain on anyone.

 

the result of her writing is dull, as she read it over. maybe next time. 


End file.
